Foods I used to love.

There are certain foods that I don't even think about eating.  When I do think about it, I say to myself that I don't really like them.  I generally avoid fruit like apples, anything that requires biting into.  I don't like salad very much, or steak, or beef in general that's chewy.  I don't like carrot sticks, or really any raw vegetable.

Then I had to stop.  Because I realized that I used to like these foods.  In fact, I used to eat them all the time.  I realized that my dislike of these foods has nothing to do with their flavor, but entirely with my ability to chew them.  And very unconsciously, before I even knew I had a jaw problem, I stopped eating those foods.  Eventually I believed I didn't like them.  I'll probably still tell people I don't like them.

SO, another thing to be excited about for surgery!  Everything I've avoided, to the point of even forgetting why I avoided it, I'll be able to eat again!

I spend probably too much time in the mirror positioning my jaw and imagining what it would be like to have a normal bite.  As nervous I can be sometimes about this surgery, I'm also really excited!  It has been over ten years since things have been "normal" for me.  It will be so great to just eat and not worry about how I'm going to eat...

Was that a compliment?

This weekend I caught up with a friend who hasn't seen me in awhile, but knows what's been going on with my jaw.  She says to me, "Wow, your mouth looks a lot more normal now!"

It was so funny, because I was actually offended by that.  Not so much that she implied that there was anything abnormal before, but I was actually hurt that she didn't see how things were actually worse and that my jaw is pretty messed up.

I had a good laugh at myself over that one.  I'm sure she was just trying to be nice, but I didn't realize how much I've grown to "like" my abnormal jaw. :)

Great news from my orthodontist!

I saw my orthodontist yesterday.  I had no change of wire on the bottom.  Apparently, I am already on my LAST pre-surgery wire (stainless steel), and I did not even know this!!!!  They did add to the two bottom incisors some gray elastics tied around the tooth and attached to the archwire (I'll post pics later; right now they are covered in wax).  They are called RO ties, and I had them before.  They're supposed to help rotate those stubborn incisors to give more room for my canine to turn around and come into place.  I also got a stainless steel wire on the top.  Both top and bottom archwires have loops on the side tied to the brackets with metal ties.  They are supposed to help with torque, I guess, but I'm not sure what they're doing.  I've had the wire on the bottom for nine weeks already, and I didn't notice the loops doing anything...

Anyway, so I felt brave and asked the big question:  "When do you think I might be ready for surgery?  Next summer?"

And he said, "It's very possible."  And then he scheduled me for impressions at my next appointment (which is in nine weeks) for a deprogrammer splint I would need to wear for 14 weeks, and then, sometime shortly after that point, I WOULD BE READY FOR SURGERY!!!!

So that would mean surgery next summer.  No specific date, but at least a general time frame, which means I can start planning my life a bit better knowing what time frame I should set aside for surgery and healing.

I'm really excited!  I had expected him to say at least another year (my original forecasted date), so I didn't have my hopes up at all.

It's such a relief to have surgery become more of a reality than a far off hope way in the unknown future...

Bite update.

Nothing too exciting.  Here's what things look like now.  I have my next ortho appointment next week.  I should be getting new wires!

Asymmetry.

Here are some pictures of the asymmetry of my mandible.  I also have a cant in the maxilla, but it's the difference in length on the two sides of the mandible that give me the most trouble.  It's somewhat noticeable from the front, but most people can't tell (or at least, no one says anything).  You can't see it so much in my profile either, unless you put the right and left profile side by side.  Where you can see it is from an angle that, fortunately, no one ever sees unless I take a picture of it...

You can tell that my chin veers to the left (my head is actually perfectly straight in both of these pictures), but it is nothing so terrible looking at it face on.

But here you can see how much shorter the left side is (again, my head is straight in these pictures).  My left TMJ did not develop properly, and this is what is causing all the problems.

Forgot this.

I forgot to mention in my last post that my surgeon was very reluctant to prescribe ANYTHING for pain. His preference would be that I wear a bottom bite splint while my top teeth are straightened by braces, and then wear a top bite splint until the bottom teeth are straight, and THEN surgery.  That pretty much doubles the time before I would be ready.  (I'm already looking at one year still, so that would be TWO before I could have surgery).

Hell no.

I am usually pretty soft-spoken and submissive and whatever.  But I will refuse to wear a bite splint again.  First off, the time factor.  No freaking way am I waiting two more years for surgery.  Second, I work in a very professional environment where the "look" of the bite splint is not appreciated by me, my colleagues, or my clients.  Basically, I know I would not wear it, so what would be the point?

So, yeah, hell no, Dr. OS.

Valium? Seriously?

I've been having a lot of pain in my joints lately and also headaches.  The asymmetry causes one side to be dislocated, and when I try to make that side's muscles relax, the other side goes into spasm, and vice versa.  It's been keeping me up at night, even while wearing my braces-friendly night guard.  So I called my surgeon today and asked him if he could prescribe anything to help with the pain and to help the muscles relax.  He prescribed Valium.  Valium is a sedative.  I have no doubt that it will help me sleep, but will it help with the pain?  I have pain 24/7, and I don't think I can take Valium during the day and still get myself to work...

Has anyone had luck with Valium in reducing pain?  What do you use to get through the tough times?

Update (or lack thereof).

Okay.  So here are some pictures of my lower arch.  From beginning (nothing on) to end (9 months of braces).  I do see some change (like my canine has rotated a bit), but for the most part, a lot down there looks EXACTLY the same to me.  My incisors are still crooked and slanted.  I thought by now they would be straight.  I know I'm not trained in this stuff, so maybe something good is happening that I can't see...but that's sort of the point...I just don't see much progress and I just really want to be ready for surgery so I can be done with the pain!  Sorry for the mini-rant, but other people seem to be having more dramatic change than me and it's frustrating at times.

Strain.

My jaw is asymmetrical, and you can really see the strain it puts on my facial muscles.  I think it's gotten worse since I've had braces and my bite has shifted, because I haven't noticed it this much before.  These pictures are in a "relaxed" position, but you can see that when I let my jaw fall where it wills, there is a definite pull and tension in my face.  Even when I posture my chin forward, you can still see it because my jaw is noticeably shorter on the left side.

Jowls.

I've always been just a little wary of aging.  One thing I knew I never wanted to happen to me was to develop jowls (you, know, those saggy cheek things).  I knew this in eighth grade when my about-to-retire teacher had a grand set of them.

Because of all my TMJ issues (surely, it has nothing to do with my age...!), I think I'm beginning to get jowls.  I have some visible swelling in my cheek and general TMJ area that is nearly constant, and you can see the muscle strain in my face.  I'm beginning to develop very fine wrinkles around those areas, and I am vain enough to absolutely hate it!

I really hope that by having the surgery, the pain will be reduced, the swelling will be reduced, and my poor face won't be under so much strain.  I just hope these wrinkles and developing jowls go away after the surgery.  I have a hope for that, since no one else in my family has them...

aargh.