Just got a call from my surgeon's office... My insurance has approved the surgery and will cover everything but co-pay and deductible!
I'm very relieved!
It's coming soon! These two months will fly by...
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
What I'm afraid of.
I've read quite a few postings on what people are most afraid of in this surgery. Some are afraid of general anesthesia, some are afraid of not being able to breathe properly right after, others numbness or pain, or the diet, the nose changing, etc.
I think my biggest fear are the changes to my face. The other things, while I do worry about them, are not so serious for me, because they're temporary (although, the numbness may not be...). I know the recovery won't necessarily be easy, and I'm not looking forward to that, but I also know that it won't always be that way, and I can deal with that. But now, the face, that's going to stay.
Granted, there will be a lot of swelling and I realize that my "true" face will take several months to reveal itself. I think what has me anxious is that I want this surgery purely for functional reasons and didn't consider any cosmetic reasons in my initial decision. Well, now that I've stared at my face so long and studied my bite, jaw position, and profile, yes, there are things that I see that I don't like. But I know deep down that the insecurities I have about how I look and feel about myself probably won't be changed by this surgery because I wasn't bothered about how my jaw looked before.
I've read posts from many people (more so those with underbites) who were very excited for their surgeries because they couldn't wait for their new profile. They've talked about being embarrassed and teased over their profile, chin, teeth, bite. I've seem many pictures where the results are great; and as an outsider looking in, I almost always see an improvement. But when it comes to me, I know I don't see myself the way others do, and ultimately, I need to live with myself and accept myself. Others may see an improvement, but I will see someone who does not look like me anymore.
I'm afraid of looking in a mirror and not recognizing myself. I am afraid of missing the old me. I am afraid of losing the face that reminds me of my mother, who died when I was only five years old. It's my connection to her, and when people see me who knew her, they so often comment how I look just like her. I am afraid that I won't hear those words anymore.
I don't know if it's just vanity or what, but I wish I could have that perfect bite with everything else left just the way it is...
I think my biggest fear are the changes to my face. The other things, while I do worry about them, are not so serious for me, because they're temporary (although, the numbness may not be...). I know the recovery won't necessarily be easy, and I'm not looking forward to that, but I also know that it won't always be that way, and I can deal with that. But now, the face, that's going to stay.
Granted, there will be a lot of swelling and I realize that my "true" face will take several months to reveal itself. I think what has me anxious is that I want this surgery purely for functional reasons and didn't consider any cosmetic reasons in my initial decision. Well, now that I've stared at my face so long and studied my bite, jaw position, and profile, yes, there are things that I see that I don't like. But I know deep down that the insecurities I have about how I look and feel about myself probably won't be changed by this surgery because I wasn't bothered about how my jaw looked before.
I've read posts from many people (more so those with underbites) who were very excited for their surgeries because they couldn't wait for their new profile. They've talked about being embarrassed and teased over their profile, chin, teeth, bite. I've seem many pictures where the results are great; and as an outsider looking in, I almost always see an improvement. But when it comes to me, I know I don't see myself the way others do, and ultimately, I need to live with myself and accept myself. Others may see an improvement, but I will see someone who does not look like me anymore.
I'm afraid of looking in a mirror and not recognizing myself. I am afraid of missing the old me. I am afraid of losing the face that reminds me of my mother, who died when I was only five years old. It's my connection to her, and when people see me who knew her, they so often comment how I look just like her. I am afraid that I won't hear those words anymore.
I don't know if it's just vanity or what, but I wish I could have that perfect bite with everything else left just the way it is...
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